Mail Question

While I am sorting through 16 years of crap in the garage, I came across tubs and tubs and tubs and tubs or mail.

When Gunner deployed to Bosnia, he was gone for a year, and we had little to no communication by phone and email was not available.  We wrote hundreds of letters.

Now that you can add three deployments to Iraq in there, and in 11 months a tour in Afghanistan under his belt, that leaves me with more mail than I can haul around.

So my question is.....what do you do with it all?  What do you do with his letters?  What about all the other mail that he was sent while over there?  People have sent letters, cards, cartoons, etc.  No worries, he kept it all!

When I say tubs, I mean those big blue rubber maid containers that are about 36 inches x 12 inches x 18 inches.  I haven't ever gone through it, and I know it contains a lot of memories for him, because some of those cards and letters from random strangers appeared on a day that he really needed them.

If I mention them, he might just tell me to toss them, but I thought maybe y'all would have a better idea of what to do with them.  I'm open to any and all suggestions....except scrapbooking, I am getting rid of my thousands of dollars worth of supplies because I have no room or time!

Is there a way to organize it?  Do you just keep the stuff that y'all write back and forth to each other?  I'm sure our cards and letters back and forth are 2-3 tubs alone.  We've been apart for 4 years and this will make year number 5.  Help!

Army Wives

I finally caught up on the show.

There were a few things that stuck out in my mind.

When Claudia Joy said "We never get used to it, we just get through it".  I think that sentence sums up my life right now.  Yes this may be the 5th year that he will be gone from us, and I can't say that it is any easier except for I am not having a baby this time or starting a new career.  I would like to think that I do more than "just get through it" though.  I'd like to think that I improve my life somehow while he is away.

The whole part where Trevor told the oldest boy that he was the "man of the house" rubbed me the wrong way. As a teacher, there were so many of my boys that were told that, and it stressed them out, especially if their moms were having a hard time with the deployment.  I liked Roxy's response of "do not ask a boy to do a man's job".  I wish more people took that to heart.  I can see asking them to help out a little bit more, but I think just the title of "man of the house" is what irks me.

When Trevor stated that "Army kids grow up faster than most", I cringed.

Do you think that is true?

I'd say my kids know a lot more about world events than most kids.  I think they are resilient, make friends a little bit easier, adapt to change faster, but grow up faster?

Sure they worry about their dad being in a dangerous position and most other kids don't, but I just don't see that they are wise beyond their years or are more grown up than their peers in the civilian world.

What do you think?

Deployment Question #25--The old fashioned letter

Do you write your husband when he is deployed?

Only email?

Just wait for phone calls?

IM?

My husband is usually not in a great location, so our internet time and phone time is very limited, maybe once every week or two for about ten minutes.

I do write letters, but not as often as I should because I always choose deployments as a time to make major life changes, you know, like have a baby or change careers.

This time, I might actually be able to keep up with letters. 

Does your husband write back?  

Gunner is pretty good about writing, sometimes.  Maybe once he reads this post, he will realize how important those letters are to me.  Nothing can change my day like a letter.  Sure emails are great, and a lot of time if I have a question it is time sensitive and I need a reply.  But nothing replaces that letter.

My friend Peggy came up with a solution for the kids that works well too.  She sends Gunner pre-addressed postcards to mail back to the kids.  He tears out three, writes a short note, and then sends them off courtesy of free mail.  I collect them on the other end and hand them out once they all arrive so no one is left out.  

They carry them around, tuck them into their books as bookmarks, hang them on their wall, or just read them over and over and over.  Emails don't have the same effect on them.

So how many letters do you write?  (I will probably be lucky to do one every week or two, seriously, no major changes, yet, but there are still three kiddos to take care of!)

Will he write back?

How do you handle correspondence with the kids?

Deployment Question #24--We have a date

We finally got an "official" date.  After 4 previous deployments, I know this will change a day or two, but it always makes it a little more real to me.

Of course we are in Texas and Gunner is in Colorado.  Our time is limited, but we have a lot of 100% together 24/7 time coming up.  (I'm thinking with no showers available for a week of that time, we may not want to be close together!)

Even though I knew it was coming, just seeing the orders, hearing the date, kind of gives me a sick feeling.  I knew it was coming, but now I know it is here.

We'll be okay, but don't you have that little "I can't believe this is happening to me again" feeling once they cut orders?

Deployment Question #23--Inlaws

It's Monday, and I am finally watching Army Wives.

Who really calls is maneuvers?

Anyway, the part about Jeremy telling his mother that he wants to reenlist, but he won't do it unless his mother says it's okay...

Does your MIL have anything to do with your husband reenlisting?

Mine doesn't, plain and simple.  She would never even offer her advice, but that's a whole other long story...

Does yours?  Did she when he was single?

Does the war make your inlaws want their son home all the time?  Every leave or R&R?  It also brings up the question of reenlistment ceremonies.  I think I was involved in Germany, once, but other than that, I don't think I ever attended.

One thing I was surprised of when I was in Germany, was the number of people that sent money home to their family to live.  I guess I was too sheltered, but I never even imagined that was a possibility.  Did I mention my parents kept me sheltered?

Anyway, back to my question(s).  How much interaction do you have with the outlaws when your Soldier is gone?  Are they in on the homecoming and the departure?

I have a strange relationship with my outlaws.  They did something totally unimaginable a few years ago.  It was horrible.  They have been forgiven, but it has not been forgotten.

When they moved to Killeen, I tried to be open-minded.  They did step up to the plate and went above and beyond in helping me while Gunner was gone.  My MIL arranged her schedule around my teaching schedule so that she could pick up the kids if they were sick.  When Junior cracked his head open, they were there.  If the kids were sick, they would deliver groceries.  Right after Junior was born, they asked for my grocery list every Sunday and would deliver groceries.  I was reluctant at first, but finally realized with three kids, I needed help.

I did notice that my inlaws supply me with a lot of wine when we see them.... coincidence?

I have found that it is best for us to communicate via text messages.  I'm not one to ask for help, but a quick text message when I am stressed out resulted in inlaws at my door within an hour taking my kids bowling, feeding them, and returning them home exhausted (the kids too).

This deployment will be different because my inlaws aren't here, and they haven't texted me but maybe once about 6 months ago.  I wonder if it is out of sight-out of mind?  Guess we will find out!

Let me know how you deal with the outlaws while your Soldier is gone, I will probably need the advice!

Deployment Question #21--What phone service does he use?

As we get things ready, I have some questions.

Do you use Skype?  Pros?  Cons?

Magic Jack?  Pros?  Cons?

Calling cards?

Cell phone?

What's the best route?  What are the costs associated with it?

Help!

Deployment Question #20--How has deployment changed you as a parent?

The last questions dealt with how deployment changed you as a person.  Now, how did it change you as a parent?  Let me explain...

Gunner and I had almost 6 years as parents before the deployments started.

During that time, he was almost always home, and we were busy raising the girls, taking them to activities, lots of family time.

I felt like I had it under control.  I felt like I was a good mom.

Since Gunner started deploying though, I feel like it has affected me as a mom.  I have less patience.  I am more overwhelmed.  I never have enough time in each day.

I do know that is is quality, not quantity.  I do know that I do everything in my power to make sure my kids will be okay.  I do know that I do more than the average person, and include my children in almost everything that we do.

I also know that it's not easy to do alone, especially when their dad is halfway around the world and you have a lot more questions to answer and a lot more worries.

I think that if all these repeated year long deployments had not occurred, that maybe I would be a better mom?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad mom, but maybe I could have been better.  Or maybe everyone else is a perfect mom and deployments didn't make a lick of a difference?  Hopefully there is someone else out there...please?

Deployment Question #19--How has deployment changed you?

When Gunner left the first time for Iraq, I was 30, with two kids ages 5 & 2.

He had deployed for a year before, but we were in Germany and since we had no kids, I threw myself into work, graduate school, and learning German.  

We got married when I was 22 and he was 24.  We were young, but I had finished college and was pretty independent anyway.  

As we are about to embark on our 5th year long deployment, I have changed.  So has he.

I know when he leaves, I know that I can handle anything that comes my way.  I could the first time, but I still liked to talk it over with him.

I do a lot more things on my own.  I don't wait for him to travel or see new things.  

I plan trips adventures for when he gets home using some of the extra deployment money.

I make more lists.

I value our time together as a family more.

I don't take certain things for granted.

I maintain traditions for the kids, so they remember the holidays and don't just look at them as "that awful Christmas that daddy was gone".

How have you changed since he deployed?  Or if it has been multiple deployments, how have you changed each time?

Deployment Question #18--How do you answer your children's questions?

My little sister called today to ask me why we celebrate Cinco De Mayo.  I googled it.  Her son seemed satisfied with the response, and we learned something.

Then my nephew has questions about his Uncle Gunner and war.

"What happens if a bad guy shoots at the good guys and they aren't looking over there?"
"What happens if a bad guy shoots a rock?"

Simple answers were given to the first question--they have Soldiers that look all over the place for bad guys, in order to stay safe.  To the second, it's not a good idea to shoot at rocks.

My kids have asked me some hard questions over the last three deployments to Iraq, and harder questions of their dad.

There are the easy ones such as why are we over there?  How long will Daddy be gone?  Why does he have to take so much stuff?

Then there are the hard ones that they ask of their dad.  Have you shot anyone?  (He's managed to put this in basic terms and not answer the question)  Has anyone shot at you?  What if your gun doesn't work?  What if you get scared?  What happens if they blow up your vehicle?  Do you know anyone who has died?  The list goes on and on.

He will answer them in ways that they understand, and he withholds a lot of specific information.

I knew someone that never told their child that their dad was deployed, because it would have upset them too much, so they said he was at work every day (this was an 8 year old).

Me, personally, I would never lie to my kids like that.

Then I have known other children that can spout off explosions, firefights, confirmed kills, etc.

To me, that's insane for a child to know.

What tough questions do your kids ask, and how do you handle them?  What do you do if you don't have the answer that satisfies them?

Deployment Question #17--Things I need for deployment

While Gunner has his packing list, I always have a list of things that I need before deployment.  

Of course, I need The Book, which will have wills, POA's, insurance stuff, all the paperwork I could need.

I also need to switch my AAA membership to CO, just in case.  It gives me a little bit of security.

I'm horrible about putting numbers into my phone, but it needs to be done in case I am out and about and run into trouble.

I need to make a list of maintenance to be done on the car so that I don't miss anything.  (Actually, I usually buy a new car, but this time both of our cars are running fine (banging on wood), so I will be with two cars over 100K, and that makes me nervous--mental note to put rental car phone number in my cell).

I need to make sure that all kids are up to date on their shots and enrolled in CYS.  

A few hidden rolls of toilet paper wouldn't be bad, "just in case".  I mean, we do have three girls in this house!

I took a bike maintenance class so I can do any basic bike repairs that come up while we are out and about.  (I can't imagine I will have all the kids out since that means my series of bikes would be 12 feet long with Abs attached to my bike and Junior and Sammy in the trailer behind Abs.  I know we wouldn't get up any hills!)

I had new tires put on the car, so I will only have to rotate and balance.  Trust me, the tire store with three kids is no fun!

My GPS needs to be updated--brother dear, Gunner said you could help here!

All bills setup to automatically pay.  

Flat rate boxes need to be ordered, as well as stamps, so I have no excuses.

There's the usual cleaning and organizing that needs to be done.

I need to figure out my happy medium.  

Most of all, I need to remember that I will be just fine.

What's on your to-do list before he leaves?

Deployment Question #16--Bucket Deployment List

I'm trying to start my bucket deployment list before Gunner actually leaves.  

I'm also hoping that it helps change my opinion of this place.  

The kids will be adding some things too.  We want them to all learn how to swim so we can go to Hawaii next summer.  

There's a spot called The Wave, located at the Grand Canyon that I'd love to go see.  Maybe Spring Break?

My now dead from the continued snow veggie garden will be replanted, and darn it, I am going to see something grow out there!

There's a ton of stuff to see in this area, so that's on the list.  There are a lot of little things on there too, that might not seem like much, but will keep me busy while Gunner is gone.  

Do you make a bucket deployment list?

What's on it?

Don't forget to enter my giveaway here!  One week left!

Deployment Question #15--Can I go too?

I secretly wish I could deploy.

After yesterday I would have been ready to go in less than 10 minutes.  

Once Gunner told me "I'll take a bad day over no day at all."  Some days that will get me through, but other days I just want a break.

How many times when they have been gone have you just wanted to runaway?

I know there's no way I am the only one.  

P.S.  I am still pissed at the Army.

Deployment Question #14--Packing

Things get tense around here when Gunner starts packing his stuff.  After this many deployments we know what is coming.

Can you tell a change in dynamics once those bags come out and start getting filled?

Do you help him, or just sit back and watch?  

Gunner always gets stressed when he is packing, searching for his missing items, and even though we have about 20,000 pounds of TA50, there are always at least 2 dozen items he HAS to go out and buy.  

Sometimes I wonder about some of the requirements on the list.  

Right before Gunner leaves, I tuck a letter into his bag so that he has something to read before the mail kicks in.  It usually contains pictures of the kids, drawings from the kids, and a letter from me.  

The first time he asked what I was sneaking in there, now he just smiles.  I think he would miss it if I didn't do it.

What little things do you do before they leave?

Deployment Question #13--What do you eat?

First deployment, it was just me, and I would make the same thing every week, a gigantic pot of bean soup and eat off it for a week.  Talk about a cheap grocery budget!

Second one, we had the girls, and I cooked.

Third one, I discovered cereal.

Fourth, we ate a lot of mac and cheese.

This time I am hoping someone has some cheap, easy, kid friendly recipes that I can make.

I still have cereal on the back burner.

Oh, here's my easy kid friendly recipe that my kids gobble up and it takes about 1 minute to make and is healthy!  I boil water in the tea pot, make a packet of instant oatmeal.  Then I add a small container of fat free yogurt, some wheat germ or flax seed, and thicken it up with baby cereal with added DHA, etc.  If I have time, I'll heat up some milk instead of water, but that requires me to watch it more so it doesn't burn.  The kids think it tastes like custard, and I don't feel bad feeding it to them.

I also have been known to serve yogurt with granola and wheat germ mixed in.

Junior is allergic to eggs or I might serve scrambled eggs every night.

What are your go to meals while they are deployed.  (I highly recommend the cereal!)

Deployment Question #12--The Dumbest & Nicest Thing You've Heard

I'm sure if you are on your 3rd, 4th, or 5th deployment, you have heard a thing or two or three or a dozen, that makes you get all riled up inside.

Then there are the things that are said to your spouse that make your skin crawl.

I've heard:
--I love my husband too much to let him go away like that.  (You think?  I just can't stand my husband, so I love sending him overseas to traipse through the Iraqi countryside, while I take care of all three kiddos by myself, and worry about him.  Good times I tell you.)

--At least he gets all that extra pay for being deployed.  (Of course!  I love him going to war because I can just sit back and roll around naked in all the money he is making.  Seriously, where do people come up with this?)

There's more, but then there have also been lots of positive things that I have heard too, and people that have gone out of their way to thank my husband or our family, and that means a lot.  Gunner was bumped up to first class after people watched him try to say goodbye to Jr when he was 13 days old.  He's had coffee bought for him, and lots of handshakes.

Gunner also makes a point of every Veteran that he sees, to go over to him and shake their hands, and thank them for their service.  They always seem surprised, which is sad.

What's the dumbest thing that you have had said to you?  How do you respond?

What's the nicest thing that someone has said to you or your spouse?

I don't expect people to thank my husband, but it's always nice to hear that he is appreciated.

Deployment Question #11--Do you believe in the War?

Ignore the second poll, something is screwed up, just answer on the first one!

I figured some wouldn't want to answer this in the comments, so I made the poll.  If you want to answer in the comments, I would love to know why you feel one way or the other.  Just curious, as I send Gunner off yet again.

Deployment Question #9--How much do you share?

How much do you share with your husband about things that go wrong at home and he's deployed?


How much does he share about what goes on "over there"?


Do you wish he shared more or less?  Does it help you to have more to worry about?


I hear a lot after the fact, when Gunner returns home, but not a lot while he is gone.  Each time his vehicle has hit an IED, he has told me, because he doesn't want me to hear it from someone else.  


I do tell Gunner what is going on at home too.  He knows I like to vent, and he also knows that I will take care of it, so he doesn't ever worry about it.  I'll let him know when he needs to worry! 


I know there are some people that hide a lot from the spouses, and others that share way too much.


How do you handle it all?

Deployment Question #8--Does he want to go?

After Gunner's first deployment to Iraq, he received orders for Korea.  No one ever gets orders for Korea deleted, except Gunner.


Off he went on his second deployment to Iraq.


After that was over, he received orders for recruiting.  NO ONE gets orders for recruiting deleted.  The Friday before he was supposed to be there, they cancelled his orders.


Off he went on his third deployment to Iraq.


We PCSed to Colorado.  


When Gunner had orders for Korea and recruiting, he wasn't too excited.  It's not that he was dying to deploy, but then again he had spent years and years training for this job, so he also felt a sense of responsibility.  


I wasn't excited about him deploying, but I also felt that if he didn't go, he wouldn't be using his skills and his training as well, and I know he loves his job.


On the other hand, I know people that do anything and everything to get out of deployments. (NOTE:  NOT EVERYONE, there are some people that are just not deployable or in a unit that is going, it's the luck of the Irish.) Do you think people should have to complete at least one tour?  


So my question of the day, does he like deploying for the Army aspect of it?  (Let's be honest, most of them don't like to be away from their families, so that's always a reason to not want to go)  Does he feel a sense of obligation to deploy?  If he does have a sense of obligation or commitment to the task at hand, does that bother you?


P.S.  If you have any questions you want to see posted please email me at armybloggerwife AT gmail DOT com.  

Deployment Question #7--Do you stay or do you go?

A friend of mine from high school is married to a guy in the Air Force and he is about to leave for two months of training and then deploy to Iraq for a total of 12 months.  She has three kids, 3, 5, and 7.  Today on facebook she wrote this:

MILITARY friends who have been thru this - lots of questions now as to whether or not we stay where we are or move closer to family - IF you've been thru a lengthy deployment like this, please tell me what did you do? stay or move? and what were the deciding factors for you? SOOO much info to try and process quickly - all in hopes i make the right decision for my kids!

What do you do?  If you went home, was it worth it?  Did you wish you had stayed?  How did your families help you?  Did they ever become overbearing?  

If your spouse deployed for a shorter period of time, did that influence your decision?  

Would you move home again?

I didn't move home from Germany, but at the time we had no kiddos.  (Don't worry, that changed 9 months after he returned, lol)

At Hood, we were close to family, we were established, and I'd have nowhere to go.  

I have thought about it since we got to Colorado since I know absolutely no one!  I could get a teaching job in Texas, rent a house for a year, and be near family.

I quickly let that idea go to the wayside because my family and Gunner's family will visit.  We will have tons of things to explore in this area since we just moved here, and the thought of moving/storing etc., was overwhelming.  Not to mention by the time he leaves we will have been here a year and we've established doctors, schools, and all that good stuff.

Please share what did or didn't work for you!

Deployment Question #6--Is there a wrong time to call?

Gunner is still at JRTC for the month, and he is working the night shift.  He calls every night before he goes to work.

Doesn't that sound great?

Well, it doesn't work.  Before I sound selfish, and all that crap, I have three kids that need to be fed and watered, bathed, read stories to, and cuddled before bed.  He's gone for a month.  A month!  I know, I know, I read some blogs where they whine about one night apart being too many, but seriously, it's a month!  We've survived 4 years apart, so one month, while not ideal, is not the end of the world after being married over 15 1/2 years.

I tried to talk to him when he called, let him talk to the kids, and then he could listen to me make sure Abs wasn't flooding the bathroom, Junior wasn't off in the dog cage pooping, that dinner isn't burning, that Em isn't using all the hot water, no one is locking themselves in the bathroom, or cramming things down the heater....the list goes on....

If it was once in a while, I could handle it, but every night at the same time.....I had to say something.

Gunner laughed.  He understood.  He said he'll call me tomorrow morning after everyone is fed, dressed, and I am on the way to the gym.   He'll call a couple times a week to talk to the kids, at night.

This works for us.

One of my favorite readers sent me a message and asked me this:

Is it better to talk everyday and have nothing to say or talk every couple of days/to a week and then have a little bit more to talk about? I *like* in theory that he can call each day, but sometimes i just really need to get things done so I take the convo for granted. He uses his magicjack on his computer so it is always there for him to use. I don't want to sound ungrateful but....

I understand that.  We've never been in a position where he could call every day though while he is deployed and with Abs around, I always have something to tell him like this, this, this, and this.

When Gunner went to Bosnia, he called all the time, in the middle of the night, and we chit chatted for hours.  We had no children though.  (I guess he could call in the middle of the night and talk to Abs since she is up anyway.)

So my question is, is there a wrong time to call?  If he calls at an inconvenient time, do you say something or drop everything and talk?  I'm always excited to hear from Gunner, no matter when he calls, and we will chit chat for a bit and then I will tell him a good time to call back.  He can tell when I am stressed and the kids are our first priority across the board.  He also knows that chatting via yahoo isn't happening during dinner time and the witching hour while I try to get everyone in bed.

Let me know how you handle calls while your Soldier is TDY or deployed.  How often do they call?  How do you handle when others get more phone calls than you?  Do you keep a running list of things to talk about?      Give me your best!