Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Calling?

We got a note from the FRG the other day, that basically said:

1.  We do not have a number for your husbands in Afghanistan.
2.  Quit calling Rear D about stupid crap, they are busy.
3.  We do not know when extra pay will kick in, so just wait till September and if it's not there, then we'll go from there.
4.  If you are having financial hardships, then contact us and we can point you in the right direction.

It's sad that they have to write this note at all.  I haven't gotten a phone call from Gunner yet, but with no phone cards, I am not surprised!

So my question is.....do you go crazy when you don't hear from them every day?  If I hear one more person tell me that they freak the heck out if they don't hear every.single.day., then I might freak the heck out on them.

It''s only been a little over a week since he left, and I am still busy unpacking.  I have parent/teacher conferences today, the girls are at camp, I need a new driver's license, trying to get Junior into preschool, and a laundry list of other things.

Maybe it's because we have been married almost 16 years?  He's not going anywhere, and I know he misses us terribly, and will call or write when he can.  He told me once, that not having that pressure to call when he is exhausted, makes his job easier.  He saw so many Soldiers that could barely stand up, but they had to call every day and spend an hour or two on the phone in order to keep the wife/girlfriend happy.  That gave them little sleep at night, which led to them being exhausted on a mission, where they really can't afford to be tired.

I guess I am low maintenance in that respect.  Oh sure there are times that I want him to call, but I won't lose it if he doesn't.

Tell me I'm not the only one please!

32 comments:

d.a.r. said...

Don't get me wrong, I love phone calls. But, I would rather have one meaningful conversation a week than a daily conversation with no actual substance. Plus, I hate for him to feel like he is obligated to call or needs to make time for me when I know he really has his hands full. He, however, loves to call daily and I think he feels guilty if he doesn't (but it comes from him, definitely not me putting pressure on him!). The worst part about the daily calls was that if he missed one, I would be frantic. Because he called every.single.day. So, for him to miss a call, something bad had to have happened. No bueno all around!

The crap the FRG and Rear D deal with during a deployment makes me both want to laugh and cry. Seriously?? What would some of those people do in the real world where you can't really call your husband's work and ask for help paying the bills, finding a baby sitter, getting a tow truck...?

Loving Wife said...

I can't believe people are bothering Rear D already!? I heard from my husband about once a week or every other week depending on how busy he was. I RARELY called Rear D or FRG when crap hit the fan, mostly because they wouldn't have been able to do anything about it anyway... People also don't seem to understand that Rear D isn't GOD!

USNchic said...

I head up my husband's ship's FRG and they just returned from deployment in June. There were a couple people who would bug the heck out of us if they went two days without an email from their sailor. Sometimes the email goes down, other times it's secured. The ship was pretty good about letting us know when it would be down, so we'd pass the word via email, but people didn't read OUR emails, so they'd continue to bug us. It was quite aggravating.

Kara said...

What is there to talk about for 2 hours everyday? A 5minute phone call is enough to keep me happy and I don't need that everyday. I can fill you in on most stuff via email. People amaze me. If they are like this after a week, what's going to happen after a few months?

Just a Girl said...

I'm with Kara, my life is no where near exciting enough to have 2 hours worth of stuff to talk about daily. I haven't been through a deployment (yet), but when it happens I don't want to put any extra stress on my boyfriend by demanding that he call me everyday.

Mel said...

I've been lucky to talk to Al once a day for last couple months of deployment, but I got a call every few days (which lasted 5-15 minutes) when he was still out in the field. Honestly, talking every day IS NOT better.

Plus, those stupid women (sorry if you're one of them, but I have no better description for your actions) who call the FRG and Rear D to complain is just silly. In the civilian world you don't call your husband's boss when he's held late at the office...You don't call your child's teacher to complain that their assigning too much homework. Be an adult and let them do their job.

It's likely that there are deeper issues at play in those marriages if the women are THAT concerned when their husbands don't call after ONE day.

Jessica said...

I completely agree, but I think that is something that comes with experience.
I have not ever contacted FRG or Rear D during any of our deployments, but I am sure they received more than enough calls
Now that I am FRG leader for my hubby's unit and our deployment is about to begin very soon I guess I need to go ahead and prepare myself and the key spouses for these calls.

Amber*Renee said...

He calls me everyday for just a few minutes. I have never asked him to call I just think HE feels better if he does. We are never on there more than an hour at all! I dont go crazy if he doesnt call me.

Our FRG leader just quit because of all the stress that is going on. So now we are a little over a month in and they are scrambling for a new leader!

I know there is some drama with wives and all but we live 45 mins from post so mostly I am in my own little world and I like it :)

He will call when he can that is just what I feel.

Birdie said...

Well, my soldier is a reservist, so our FRG is a joke anyway. During deployments, I have nobody to call, and that's fine with me. We went weeks without talking and I didn't lose it. I understand the scared part, but the constant need for reassurance and all of that is annoying. I would assume though that those are the really young people and that's to be expected lol

dutchgirl (Ellen) said...

Good night. I always feel sorry for the RearD folks, that would have to be a miserable job.

I'm with you on the calling. Last deployment we finally agreed to not talk every day because otherwise we tend to get into petty little arguments. Once a week is plenty for me, barring any huge crises.

The Rock's Girl said...

You're definitely not the only one. We've gone long stretches without communicating during this deployment, and all is well.

I prefer to look at the radio silence as: no news is good news, until someone shows up at my office or home to tell me in person that it's not.

McMGrad89 said...

When my husband was in the Army, I was young and a little crazy, so I used to want to hear from him, but after awhile, I got used to it all learned to enjoy life by myself. Some spouses never get a grip.

Andrea@Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

I find I am chilling out about so much more with age and years of being married. It's wonderful!

With Daniel's first deployment we got one 10 min phone call a week. And it was like Christmas every time. Of course I hated not talking to him but I discovered how much I could handle and how ok I was without needing to run every little thing by him!

This last deployment, he was the one who needed to call (almost) every day. It was a rough deployment for him. I enjoyed his calls but it was tough to have to plan my life around them- sounds horrible, I know. I liked emails a lot more.

Anyway, I don't need a call every day. And that doesn't mean I love my husband any less than anyone else :)

annoyed army wife said...

Whoa, that's pretty amazing. OccDoc and I usually try to talk once a week when he's at training or whatever. I don't need a call every day. I know he's busy and I'd rather have him focused on taking care of patients rather than running to the phone.

I think you're just more mature and your relationship is more developed and that's why you can survive without a daily call. Just my 2 cents.

Mrs. Bierschenk said...

I think the FRG note is kinda funny, personally I would laugh if I got it becuase I wouldn't think to contact someone for any of those issues...maybe call my mom? But that's the kind of person I am, after having E on rear D I can testify there were some pretty crazy requests and phone calls made.

We've been together 5 years now, and married a little over 1, and honestly I get so busy when E is gone I don't think about him calling. It usually ends up being a nice surprise when he does call.

stacie-marie said...

oh I think I love you... yeah women are driving me nuts this deployment I havent heard from my hubby in a week there power was down and then we did have some WIA and one KIA a couple days ago so they were on lock down and even though we know are husbands are fine im still getting the freak out statuses on facebook.. a few of my friends husband saw my husband and passed it on to me that he was fine and I swear it kinda makes me feel like I just talked to him yesterday... of course I would like to talk to my love but if he needs sleep then get sleep cus in the long run I would rather him be alert

Julie the Army Wife said...

It's frustrating to me when people complain about just 1 day. Our norm is usually every 4-5 days I think? Sometimes longer, sometimes I get lucky and sooner than that.

Vintage Love and Photographs said...

They have phone numbers you can call? Who knew?

I got about 4-6 weeks before my husband calls which I know is not the norm..but every other week would totally suffice for me. And for some odd reason every time he deploys he gets an area that doesn't have regular internet. He once did not call for three straight months (in Spring of 03') I don't know how I managed that cause I know I couldn't now.

Radiant Readhead said...

lol....don't get me wrong, I LOVE phone calls, but my hubs and I went 62 days without speaking other than through letters because he was in the sandbox while i was in basic training. If ANYTHING happened, I would have been the VERY LAST TO KNOW.....but i was fine after about a week or two. We take communication for granted now a days. i have the letters from my grandmother and grandfather through WWII, and they did not get to talk on the phone AT ALL....interesting how now a days people freak out if it has been a day or two...can you imagine 2 whole years!?!?!? now my Grand parents had one strong relationship to last through that!!! i figured i can go 62 days right?

The Mrs. said...

i hear ya.

and if they do call they are just asking for stuff. : )

Jenn B said...

Amen to The Mrs!

Husband? Husband who? I have a husband? When did that happen?

Lisa and Michael said...

Just found your blog...loving it so far. My husband is ARNG and we are on our second deployment, although the first one since married. We have no kiddos yet so its only me. I spend lots of time with friends and family. As for the calling, it's always great to talk to him but I am not going to go crazy if I haven't heard from him. I'm sure if he is not calling then he has more important things going on. We'll talk every other day one week and then I won't hear from him for a week...its so random but that means its always a great surprise when he does call. :)

silver star said...

Were these people not with their husbands/significant others/etc. when they were in Basic? I went weeks without hearing from my then-fiance back then, and while deployments are more dangerous, still I would think its safer for them not to call people every single day (drama, loss of sleep, etc.).

Jessica @ {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife said...

I work on the premise that "no news is good news". Don't get me wrong, I love hearing from my husband, but I don't freak out if he doesn't call/email. I also pack my schedule when he is away to help the time go by faster. It's actually a bit of an inconvenience for me if he is calling every day.

The one with the View said...

You obviously have a slue of other comments on this already, and I didn't read them, so I might be repetitive, sorry. You aren't the only one. And I don't think it has a ton to do with how long you've been married, I think it has to do with the fact that you are a Strong, independent woman, and you know he is a good Solider. At least that's how I view myself, and my husband, especially when its been days or weeks since I've heard from him. Hugs to you and your family. I will be following you, and your story, and praying for you. My husband is also in Afghan. right now. We are half way done. Hope you hear from him soon, and Yes, No News is ALWAYS good News! ;-)

The one with the View said...

Was looking around your blog a bit. I noticed your DH's 4ID patch. Did ya'll move from Ft. Hood? Just curious, that's where we are. When was your husband in Bosnia? Mine was there from 98-99. Small world! I'm sure you've read the Silent Ranks poem? If not, I highly recommend it!

Amie said...

I had to deal with Read D and the spouses on our last deployment because I was the FRG leader. The day after they left, I had one wife call me freaking out because she hadn't heard from her husband and she went and sat at Rear D "trying to get answers"

Some spouses just really really suck at being apart. Imagine how much fun we had because phone contact didn't happen but every 25-35 days while they were gone, and letters took 3 weeks to arrive.

Lulu said...

Your blog is SO cute!!

and when my husband was deployed I didn't really worry if I didn't hear from him everyday but after he was there a while he usually told me if he was going outside the wire for a few days/weeks etc

we IM'd alot too, until he got a cell phone from his interpreter! that was crazy when he had a cell over there!

The Wifey said...

I like that I hear from him as much as I do but I will only start worrying that something is wrong when I haven't heard from him in a while. But we have gone a while without being able to communicate because of where they were or what they had been doing.

lola said...

I don't bother them too much. My husband will get in touch when he can and that's fine between us. It isn't anyone elses responsibility to make sure that he is in contact. Ugh.

Kristie said...

You are not the only one... I feel odd not having all these "melt downs" when all the others around me are... it's such a small slice of our life together that he is gone... it's just an amazing adventure!

Blessings,
Kristie

Kristie said...

You are not the only one... I feel odd not having all these "melt downs" when all the others around me are... it's such a small slice of our life together that he is gone... it's just an amazing adventure!

Blessings,
Kristie