Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Deployment Question #20--How has deployment changed you as a parent?

The last questions dealt with how deployment changed you as a person.  Now, how did it change you as a parent?  Let me explain...

Gunner and I had almost 6 years as parents before the deployments started.

During that time, he was almost always home, and we were busy raising the girls, taking them to activities, lots of family time.

I felt like I had it under control.  I felt like I was a good mom.

Since Gunner started deploying though, I feel like it has affected me as a mom.  I have less patience.  I am more overwhelmed.  I never have enough time in each day.

I do know that is is quality, not quantity.  I do know that I do everything in my power to make sure my kids will be okay.  I do know that I do more than the average person, and include my children in almost everything that we do.

I also know that it's not easy to do alone, especially when their dad is halfway around the world and you have a lot more questions to answer and a lot more worries.

I think that if all these repeated year long deployments had not occurred, that maybe I would be a better mom?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad mom, but maybe I could have been better.  Or maybe everyone else is a perfect mom and deployments didn't make a lick of a difference?  Hopefully there is someone else out there...please?


On a Journey said...

I have to agree. Especially our first deployment. We found out I was pregnant just a few days before he deployed. DH got to come home for the birth but then was gone 5 days later. I don't think I ever got post-partum...but was really down having to deal with a new baby, finishing my last semester of college and still worrying about dh being over "there". He came home when the baby was 5 months old. I had delayed post-partum then. I know it sounds weird but it was like I really had time for everything to set in and I had horrible bout of depression. I don't think I enjoyed my oldest child as much as I should have. With the second, similar situation. I did better this time but some days I just felt like I was trying to make it through...not enjoying it. I figure after DH finishes up his new MOS training he will get deployed once again....I worry about how I will be affected this time. The kids are old enough to realize the missing parent. I am not excited about being a "single" parent again.

Abbey said...

I honestly don't know what to say to this without sounding like I am a bad parent, lol. I adore my children. I think that they are really great, and can be lots of fun to be around. BUT.... with their dad being gone, and all the responsibility falling on me, it sometimes becomes too much. I know that I am not as good as mom as I could be. I yell too much. I get pissy over the little things that really, truly don't matter. I don't personally like to take 3 kids "out" a lot, so there are a lot of things that my kids miss out on. Things that the family misses out on because it's hard to be a single parent. Yes, I cook nearly every night, and yes I hug and kiss and love on my kids, but I wonder if all the times that I get fussy over little things will affect my children as much in the long run as their dad being gone so much? Guess I should save for therapy for the kids as well as college, right?

cj said...

Well you know how I feel. I am amazed at how you, and by extent, all military families, function when their loved one is deployed. You show a courage and a tenacity most of us simply don't have because we don't need it.

Other than that, it's easy to see from your blog that your children are loved and they know it. They're incredibly lucky to have you guys as parents.

All parents doubt the job they're doing and, given your stretches as a single parent, your doubts must be greater.

Looking from the outside in, I think you're doing an amazing job.


dutchgirl (Ellen) said...

I did ok when mine was a baby... but now at this age? I think the upcoming deployment is going to be much harder. I foresee much less patience, much more yelling. We've thought about really truly getting on the road to adopting, but in all honesty the thought of having to parent another child alone scares me a little bit (ok, a lot).

I think without deployments, I would be a more balanced parent for sure. I tend to "take over" and my parenting style is much different than my hubby's. We really struggled with that after he came home last time.

On a Journey said...

Broccoli Salad: Yes the broccoli does get kind of soft...the better the long it chills. Very yummy. Sorry, I am always a bit confused on how to respond to questions on my blog since I am not sure someone will come back and look for a comment back. LOL.