Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Letting some things slide

Trying to keep three kids involved with everything that they need, while Gunner is deployed, is turning out to be difficult to say the least.

Junior gets out of preschool at 4:15 and on the opposite side of town I am supposed to have Abs at OT at 4.  Then you tack in that every other week Em has Girl Scouts at 4 right in the middle of the town, something had to give.

I called OT, because that was the only thing I had the power to change.  They said they had three weeks of therapy open at 8:30 AM.  I think I can make that work.  I hope I can.  I'm disappointed she has to go back to missing school, but it's all I can do right now.

I should cut myself some slack.  Now to try to figure out when they can take ice skating lessons and TKD.  Nothing like a little excitement!  At least my new momagenda will be here and I can see everything laid out on paper, which makes it easier.

Em is going camping this weekend, so I am trying to find some fun stuff to do with Abs and Junior.  I guess there is always the museum in Denver that they love.  It will take us several visits before we see it all.

I had Junior's preschool orientation yesterday.  They asked for questions and he raised his hands and asked where the bathroom was.  He had already pooped in his pants.  Maybe he will be potty trained one day.

Personal training today and then Junior is going to take advantage of the 16 free hours of daycare and spend a few hours there this afternoon so I can get some things done.  I've got a list of things to knock out, but I am going to miss my little sidekick....although not enough to cancel his reservation!

How do you handle the guilt of not being able to do it all while they are gone, or do you not have any?  Tell me I'm not the only one that beats themselves up!


Anonymous said...

I don't know if I'm fully qualified to answer this because we don't have children, but...I tried to not let anything slide during this past deployment and just ended up frustrated and crying. I ended up making a list of my priorities, and when it came time to seeing what had to be let go, I looked at my list. If something wasn't on the list or was very low on the list I "gave myself permission" to let it slide.

I also thought about what I could have others do for me. We had a goal to save as much money as possible, but I ended up "splurging" on having a company come and take care of our lawn. It might not sound like a lot, but it saved my sanity because it was one more thing crossed off the to-do list. I also thought about having a cleaning lady and having our groceries delivered, but I ended up valuing my savings account too much! =)

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

You're doing great!!!

McMGrad89 said...

You have a lot more to do than I. I know things are starting to slide when I stop washing dishes and then I move on to drive thru take out for dinner.

I am not at that point yet, but there is more than one glass that needs to be washed so i feel I am on the downward slide....gotta get a grip.

Considering how much more you have to do than I, I think you are doing great!

Jill said...

I agree with the others - you're doing great! You can't beat yourself up over not being able to do everything all the time. Some things will just have to slide.

You're wise to take some time to yourself to get things done. I hope you get a chance every now and then to take of you in the process!

During our first deployment, I got so stressed out because I thought I wasn't doing enough and ended up getting TMJ because I was grinding my teeth so much. By the end of his deployment, I went 4 days without being able to close by jaw because of it.

This time, I'm ok with letting some things slide. I'm sure no one expects perfection from you except you.

Smiles said...

Some things matter. Some don't. Like Jessica said, it just depends on your values. Decide what really matters most to you. Do those first. Take pride in modeling this positive behavior for you kids.

You should be proud of how well you juggle all that is on your plate. Prioritizing and getting the most important tasks completed is a difficult skill and one that you are doing well.

It is impossible to be perfect and as women we shouldn't hold ourselves to impossible standards. If there were 10 errands on the list and you completed 9 of them, instead of beating yourself up for the 10% of the job that didn't get done, celebrate the "A" you earned by completing 90% of the list! Focus on the positive and give yourself a pat on the back.

My Mom and her siblings lived with an alcoholic father. He was never physically abusive, but did leave emotional scars because nothing was ever good enough. They never received positive praise and were often yelled at for not getting things done to his specifications. My uncle now builds houses, on his own, from an empty piece of land. When we get a chance, we try to tour the finished project before he puts it on the market. Every time I have seen his work I am in awe at what he created with his own two hands. And every time, the shadow of my grandfather visits. The first thing my uncle points out in every room is the one flaw, the one imperfection. It makes me so sad that instead of marveling at his creation he puts himself down for not being perfect.

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Brandi said...

The best you can do, ABW, is the best you can do. Gunner wouldn't expect you to be absolutely perfect, and neither do we. And even though I've not personally been through a deployment, I know from seeing my loved ones go through it that no matter how many times, each time is different. Easier in some ways, and harder in others. You will need time to find a new rhythm, and time to adjust to having to do it alone again. But the trash days are still counting down, and in the meantime, your honesty inspires me. The army is still my future (just not as near as we thought), so I am reading, and learning. Thanks for your honesty, because sunshine and roses blogs are not always the best teachers.