Saturday, August 28, 2010

How much do you help?

Abs is busy working on her "The History of Mr. Potato Head" storybook.

It's an adorable idea, and she has worked hard on it, but she also has a problem with fine motor skills and handwriting, so it's hard for her.  She's done an amazing job so far, and while the handwriting might not be the neatest, it's a cute story complete with illustrations.

When I got her after quiet time this afternoon (where I found her in the closet reading, go figure), she asked me if I would complete her project.  Heck no!

Apparently I am the only parent that will not be doing the project for their child.  I find that hard to believe.

As a teacher, I could tell whose parents did all the work, and those that obviously did it themselves, got extra praise and attention.  (Remember I taught second grade)

I help my kids come up with ideas, materials, and motivate them to do the project, but I believe that they should give it their best shot.  Heck, I've read blogs where people were in college and having their parents complete their projects, and goodness knows I finished college, and graduate school (twice), so I really don't need to do it again.  I'm sure the parent that helped their daughter finish their college project, also probably did all their other projects leading up to that point.

So....how much do you help?  Am I ruining her life by not helping?

14 comments:

Walrilla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Walrilla said...

As a father of a 20 year old Airborne Combat Medic, and a 12 year old "special needs" daughter, I believe the appropriate sentence was already spoken... "I help my kids come up with ideas, materials, and motivate them to do the project, but I believe that they should give it their best shot."... Hmmm, who said that?

I believe you already answered your question with the appropriate level of help.

B-)

Amber*Renee said...

JJ just started PRESCHOOL. He came home with a color page that needed colored. He colored for awhile and then said "mommy you just finish it ok". NO that is NOT ok. I get its only a color page but you are not going to learn anything by having someone else do your work for you. I do think a little help on some things is needed but not to the point where you are the one doing the project.

Walrilla said...

And, although they may beg to differ, you are NOT ruining their life by not doing it for them.

Please convey our thanks to your husband for his service, and to you and your family for your service, too.

ABW said...

Thanks Walrilla, and thanks to you and your family as your support your son!

cj said...

Well, of course you're ruining her life... if you think teaching her to do her own work, to think for herself, to apply herself, to be independent are bad things.

Guilt, my dear. Kids have an ubelievable knack for making us feel it.

Don't. You're doing the right thing.

cjh

Uncle Dan said...

I don't remember your dad or I having anyone do our projects for us and we turned out well. I do remember ME typing for me in College, but she was a typing whiz for the California National Guard in SLO and was a lot fastr and more accurate than I.

Just Another MilSpouse said...

First off, I agree with everyone so far that has commented. The kids may not understand the importance now, but in the long run they will. There is nothing like the complete satisfaction when you finish something that you have so hard on.

Now, you have three kids, right? You can't just do it for one kid, you'll have to do it for all of them. Can you imagine how difficult it will be for YOU to do all their homework each night all the while doing your normal "Mom" things???? Not to mention, if you are doing their homework, what are they doing? Making a mess? Eating school snacks? Arguing with each other??? All things you will have to fix when you finish the homework, lol. My point, even though we want to protect our kids and make their lives easier, sometimes we have to watch them struggle with things they don't want to do to prepare them for life. That is, unless you foresee them living a silver spoon lifestyle in royalty, in which case they won't need an education at all.

In the end, you know the right thing to do, it's just hard to watch them struggle with things. You are a great Mom.

Haha, I had fun with this comment. Sorry for the wordiness, I tend to ramble.

Allison @ I heart Change said...

In my opinion, you're doing it perfectly.

Carissa said...

Helping is one thing, and doing it for her is another.

You are helping in the best possible way.

I'm starting to realize that being a good mom isn't necessarily the most popular idea in my daughter's eyes. And she's only 3! Lol can't wait til she's 13.....

Carissa said...

Helping is one thing, and doing it for her is another.

You are helping in the best possible way.

I'm starting to realize that being a good mom isn't necessarily the most popular idea in my daughter's eyes. And she's only 3! Lol can't wait til she's 13.....

It's Something Beautiful said...

Well I'm no parent, but as a college student I can say that my parents never did any projects for me. They have always helped guide me, but never completed my tasks for me. I think this is SO important! Parents may think by completing their students projects for them is helping them - but in the long run I think it only hinders their child.

www.life-itssomethingbeautiful.blogspot.com

The Wifey said...

I will help my daughter and encourage her as I sit next to her when she does her homework now that she's in kindergarten but I won't do it for her. I point out what her teacher wants her to do/finish and that's it. She won't learn anything if I do it for her. I think you're doing a great job.

Kanani said...

I'm pretty much where you're at. I watch parents go way overboard in helping their kids. It's crazy.

For instance, a few years ago, there was a fundraiser to help the 8th grade kids go on a trip. There was a car wash. When I got there, the kids were playing around, the MOTHERS were washing the cars. This other guy (a cop) and I got the kids in order, made them do the work, told the mothers to go do something else. We had everything going at a tremendous clip. It was great.

My shift was up. The new parents came on, and lo and behold...it changed back. The new kids came one, played around, the parents were washing the cars.

And they wonder why the kids never seem to think they're getting enough.