Friday, April 4, 2008

Dinner with the outlaws...

It was already a hard day for me.

After school Abs dropped her beloved frog cup from my mom. She cried for an hour over her froggie. It is not repairable.

Then the girls went to Girl Scouts and Junior and I hung out for a bit and then Gunner called. He was so tired he didn't make much sense. Poor guy. He was sad and a little depressed. He spent 15 months at home which was great and more than we thought we were going to get originally, but he had 15 months there till he could come back to us. He's a firm believer in the mission and their progress, but I think it was just a hard day for him as well.

Then I got the girls and we met the outlaws and Erin at TGI Fridays for dinner. Abs was in one of her moods so I already knew it was going to be a hard meal.

I won't even get into the little things that happened, but Erin now knows what I was talking about when I said my inlaws were freaks. I was holding Tucker and Abs was under the table. When I realized what was going on, I handed Tucker back to his mom and grabbed Abs out from under the table. I went to take her outside and my MIL grabbed my arm and said she wanted to talk to her and calm Abs down. I flung it (her arm) away. I took Abs outside and spoke to her and put her in time out. We were outside of the restaurant and there is constant traffic so I wasn't about to leave her side. My MIL came out and started rubbing my arm and telling me in front of Abs that I was being too hard on her. She acted up and I took her out of the situation to have her regain control. That's wrong????? Then she told me that I wasn't being nice to her and while Abs was spouting off stuff and crying, my MIL went over and told her that if she behaved she could have dessert. I told my MIL and Abs that was not going to happen. Abs lost dessert already when we were inside and she was playing Helen Keller and grabbing food off of Em's plate. My MIL kept in on me and kept talking to Abs while she was in time out. If she wanted to voice her opinions she could have done it somewhere else when I had time, not in front of my child, I wasn't going to go that route. I kept my mouth shut but I was furious.

Abs finally was calm and we went back in. The waitress came and I ordered dessert for Em and Junior. Erin and I split something and my inlaws, who never order dessert, ordered one that Abs likes. Erin asked me if I thought they would let her have it, and I knew they would. I made it clear to Abs that she was not to have any dessert, taste any dessert or lick any spoons, and made sure my inlaws heard me. They didn't let her have any thank goodness or I would have lost it.

My MIL was talking about Tucker and Junior and asked which one she was going to take home. I was already upset (trust me there was tons more that happened) and told her she didn't get either of them. Then Abs came up about something else and my MIL told me "Abs is NOT bad and I shouldn't say that." I about flipped! I never said that, I would never say that as I don't care how much of a handful a child is, they are NEVER bad. Their behavior might be less than desirable, but never the child. I said "I NEVER said she was bad." I was furious that she said it at all, much less in front of my children. I held Tucker and started to cry, but tried to keep it in before I really lost it.

My MIL then told me that she would have different hours at work soon so she would take the kids so I didn't have to deal with them. They go to school, I don't need them taken care of by someone else. I am not on the verge of "losing it". I am not a bad mother. I am not unhappy or wanting to pass my children off to anyone. I love them with all my heart. Abs was having a rough day and we were dealing with it. She wasn't getting beaten, I wasn't hurting her, I wasn't being mean or rude to her.

Then we go out to the car and I realize that Junior has pooped. I told them that I needed to change his diaper. She (my MIL) told me he just dropped ice cream on his pants. I informed her that he had pooped and she insisted that it was ice cream. I looked in his diaper, Erin was there and saw too, he had exploded. But what do I know, I am just his mother and primary caregiver.

I could go on and on about all the crappy things that were said and done tonight by them. I was actually kind of glad that Erin was there, although embarrassed, so that someone could see how they are and what they do.

I came home and called my mom and started crying. I missed my Dad. I missed my husband. I was disgusted with the behavior of my inlaws. My mom was relieved when Erin called and told me she was coming over. I don't know what I did to deserve such a great, understanding, caring, thoughtful, outrageous, funny, friend. Thank you Erin for being such a friend and for sitting through the dinner from hell with me and making me see that it isn't me, that they (the inlaws) are truly strange and inconsiderate people.

13 comments:

Leslie said...

I love you and you are a wonderful mother and an EXCELLENT judge of people!

Uncle Dan said...

You got my vote for Mom of The Year, while the old BITCH can take a hike. Does MIL mean Monster-in-Law? Now I'm getting mad and wishing that I were there.

Sis B said...

You did exactly the right thing with Abs, even though it was the hard thing. That makes you an awesome mother and your MIL can... well, that's probably not appropriate to say. She needs to back off. I'm SO glad Erin was there with you to support you through all of that.

Don't let that old biddy get you down.

Uncle Dan said...

Now you see that people who know you, will stand by you.

sharona said...

wow, that sucks. I'm sorry you have difficult in-laws!

rose_michelle said...

I'm so sorry to had a tough time but I'm glad you have a friend nearby who supports you, even if she gets to witness the crazy stuff. My FIL is not too bad, but I have to bit my tongue when he said stuff like, the neckalce my husband sent me for my birthday was because he's scared if he doesn't sent me presents I might not be here when he comes home.
You know where I'm at if you need to vent ... my email inbox has a lot of room!!!

Gunner said...

I’m sorry about what happened. I wish I could have been there to put my dm in her place. I think you did the right thing. Thank you Erin, for being there.

trying said...

good for you for holding your daughter to a behavior standards. my three year old is a "fiesty" one and we have our moments (more so in public now b/c he's figured out he can get away with more since you cant discipline anymore). my inlaws sound like yours so i feel for you. i always tell hubs (jokingly of course) that in the case of divorce he gets his parents!

hold your head high, you sound like an amazing mom, and a very amazing wife for putting up with the outlaws.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that from your inlaws. My MIL isn't so rude, but definitely pushy. I don't know why they think it's ok for them to stick their noses where they don't belong. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your children!

Catherine said...

By nature and circumstance being a MIL is a difficult job. Its the "yes you are a mother but you are NOT MY MOTHER and certainly not the mother of my children" syndrome. The very best MIL can accidently overstep boundaries, and the more ornery ones (like ours, ABW)continue to show little respect even once those boundaries are pointed out - repeatedly!

Sounds to me like you did what any good mom would do and even showed quite a bit more restraint than I when she challenged your authority in front of Abs. Really she is very lucky to have left with all her teeth in their original locations.

Here is the one silver lining to your cloud. It was dinner and it blew but my soul-sucking MIL lives in my house for 6 weeks at time 3 times a year. Want to trade? (smirk)

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

Wow! That sounds like a killer time with your in-laws. Ugg. You are such a good mom, sticking to your guns and doing what is right by your child. I have a lot of respect for that.

I hope that the long, hard days are VERY few and far between. I also hope you are able to have a really good talk with your husband soon, and that he is able to rest.

-Andrea

Sher said...

Found you through Wordless Wednesday. I feel for you and know things must be really difficult. Sending you cyber hugs. (((()))))

Dave said...

TGIF - cool. I haven't been there for ages... do they still have the monte cristo sandwich? Mmmm...sandwich....

Hang in there.