Saturday, April 24, 2010

Deployment Question #12--The Dumbest & Nicest Thing You've Heard

I'm sure if you are on your 3rd, 4th, or 5th deployment, you have heard a thing or two or three or a dozen, that makes you get all riled up inside.

Then there are the things that are said to your spouse that make your skin crawl.

I've heard:
--I love my husband too much to let him go away like that.  (You think?  I just can't stand my husband, so I love sending him overseas to traipse through the Iraqi countryside, while I take care of all three kiddos by myself, and worry about him.  Good times I tell you.)

--At least he gets all that extra pay for being deployed.  (Of course!  I love him going to war because I can just sit back and roll around naked in all the money he is making.  Seriously, where do people come up with this?)

There's more, but then there have also been lots of positive things that I have heard too, and people that have gone out of their way to thank my husband or our family, and that means a lot.  Gunner was bumped up to first class after people watched him try to say goodbye to Jr when he was 13 days old.  He's had coffee bought for him, and lots of handshakes.

Gunner also makes a point of every Veteran that he sees, to go over to him and shake their hands, and thank them for their service.  They always seem surprised, which is sad.

What's the dumbest thing that you have had said to you?  How do you respond?

What's the nicest thing that someone has said to you or your spouse?

I don't expect people to thank my husband, but it's always nice to hear that he is appreciated.


Julie the Army Wife said...

This is not exactly dumb but said because they don't understand it. But when people say things like, "He has to go AGAIN?" or, "When he comes home he is home for good right?"

I hate the "I could never do it." because if you love your husband, you do it. I think most people could do it if they had to.

S said...

well, there are plenty but I guess the worst one is, "you knew what you got yourself into when you married a soldier". Heck no, when we got married there were no deployments longer than 3/4 month, so no, I didn't know and I still don't like deployments but you live with them.

Sara said...

This is our 1st deployment, but I've been asked twice in the last month why I **didnt go with him.** Where have these people been?? I just want to scream: WAR ZONE ya moron!!

As for the "I dont think I could do it" gang, I just tell them, I would do anything to be with Joe, even be without him for a while. And that's how I know we have a true love that will last forever.

But I've received many wonderful comments from my friends back home. They have never been married to the military or come from military families, but they tell me all the time that I am the most couragious woman they know to go out on my own and hold down a house and a life while Joe is in a war zone. And even with all of the stupid comments, just one or two good ones make it all better.

xobabygurlxo said...

You all have some good ones! I'm not married to my soldier, but we've been together for almost a year now. I love when people say "I miss my boyfriend" - When their boyfriends just gone for work, I can see, that their gone, but I mean our husbands/boyfriends are gone for almost a year on deployment! When theirs is only gone for maybe 3 weeks, I mean yeah I'd still miss em, but they have no idea what we go threw. Then of course the "I can't see how you do it" - I always respond well I love him to death and I'm here for whatever the army throws at us, and If you loved your husband/boyfriend you could do it too. Theres a lot of other things, that I'm sure has all been said to you all too.

lauren_troy said...

I have not had to go through a deployment yet but I'm not looking forward to it at all. Just like S said I have had people tell me "you knew what you were getting yourself into" his family likes to say that one a lot. I'm sorry, I realize he is your son, but he is my husband and I'm the one that is with him all the time when they see him Maybe once a year and its different being the wife than the sister. I would like to see either one of them just try to go through the stuff that we have! And just because I knew he was a soldier doesn't mean I like it. I respect it but I don't like it. And I think that until you actually have to go through the deployment and are faced with it you kind of forget that its even a possibility. you get into the mindframe that things will always be the way they are right now, or that it won't happen to you. or wont happen again...then when it does its very hard to deal with.

Sarah said...

I haven't dealt with deployment just yet. My husband recently graduated boot camp and is at A-School. Yeah, I'm that new.

I've had several people tell me the "I could never do it" line and that doesn't bother me too much for two reasons. 1)I've decided to tell myself that I must be stronger than them bc I believe we can get through anything and 2) at least those people are talking to me.

Yeah. Some of the closest people to me (like my own mom and best friend) won't talk about our new life in the military. They act like he never enlisted. That nothing's changed. I'd rather they said foolish things than what I'm currently getting. I know there's different ways of handling things, but it's ridiculous. I can't wait to be at our duty station where people understand.

Sis B said...

When I was in the hospital with Crush when he was born prematurely and SB had just deployed, I was watching the news and saw a bit about a mass casualty when an outpost in eastern Afghanistan was overrun. My stepmother called while I was crying and comforted me with the whole, "You knew what you were getting into when you married him" bit. I hung up on her. Those are, by far, the most stupid words to come out of anyone's mouth.

Even when kind people stumble over words, if they are sincere and caring, I'm good. There's no magic thing to say. I remember before I met SB and how hard it was to talk to military families. I felt stupid and petty, and my heart would catch in my throat. I could never come up with words, so I rarely said much of anything. I feel that in people around me now--like they are terribly afraid they will say the wrong thing. They are the opposite of my stepmother. I would love to hear whatever they have to say. :)

Wife of a Sailor said...

"I know how you feel about your husband being gone because my goes to China for a few weeks a couple times a year."

Stephanie said...

Sis B--- I HATE it when I hear that... "You knew what you were getting into", and also when people say "well that's what he signed up for." Yeah he signed up for the army and we knew it would cause us to be apart but he didn't join for the sole reason of leaving me alone and going to War. There are many other reasons and deployments just come along with it.

Being a college student is tough too because many people don't know how hard it is to date someone in the military. I have had friends throw hissy fits over having to stay late in class because they had to drive 3 hours to see their boyfriend every weekend. I'm not very good at giving them sympathy because currently my guy is in Korea and 3 hours away does not even begin to compare.

Thank God for the internet that is allowing me to connect to the Military life while at school. Support is everything.

trooppetrie said...

mine is the extent they will go to try and find out when and where your husband is deploying too.

Courtney said...

I got (while he was gone and I had 3 small kids) "I don't know how a man that claims to love his family could ever willingly sign up do go do a job that could very likely get him killed".... "didn't he even think about you or the kids?" Then she asked me what the military's life insurance was like. And she kept a very concerned face the whole time.I had to literally bite my tounge.