Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Deployment Question #9--How much do you share?

How much do you share with your husband about things that go wrong at home and he's deployed?


How much does he share about what goes on "over there"?


Do you wish he shared more or less?  Does it help you to have more to worry about?


I hear a lot after the fact, when Gunner returns home, but not a lot while he is gone.  Each time his vehicle has hit an IED, he has told me, because he doesn't want me to hear it from someone else.  


I do tell Gunner what is going on at home too.  He knows I like to vent, and he also knows that I will take care of it, so he doesn't ever worry about it.  I'll let him know when he needs to worry! 


I know there are some people that hide a lot from the spouses, and others that share way too much.


How do you handle it all?

9 comments:

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

I share as little as possible about things that go wrong here. Or if I do share, i wait until the problem is long resolved so I can tell about it in a more joking way than a frantic way. My husband shares very little as well, and I try to follow his lead by asking questions when he opens up a little. It's a great question though and every family is different.

Courtney said...

The last time my Hubby was "gone" he shared what he could, but it was never very much. I had everything go wrong! I vented, I need him for that. I need him for that when he's home too! I tried not to do it over the phone or in the heat of the moment. Letters were better for me because it gave me a chance to tone things done a bit. Not that he would worry about us though. He did let me know after he got home that I wasn't allowed to have surgery while he was gone ever again. That was too much for him.

Julie the Army Wife said...

I pretty much tell my husband what I normally would. Except that sometimes it is after the fact and just not important anymore. Then I don't worry about it much.

He doesn't talk about too much about what he is doing over there. But just enough to give me some idea.

BryceandWhit said...

He tells me as much as he can...Except when he first got over there a soldier from another unit passed a away and he didnt tell me...He didnt want me to lose sleep well I found out I freaked a little but then I was like this was the reason why he didnt tell me...So I bucked up and asked him about it and now he tells me those things cause I didnt freak out like he thought I would over the phone...

If things go wrong here I dont tell him unless I fill like its something he needs to know...Ill fix it and I dont want him to worry about stuff...

Ashleigh said...

Well, before he deployed I was determined not to share ANY of my problems with him. I didn't want to worry him. But I've found that we just need to talk about the things that are going on, so we pretty much share everything. He can tell when something's bugging me anyways! Lol.

The Bolton Family said...

I haven't quit experienced this yet, our first deployment is coming up. Just wanted to know that I think this whole 'Q&A' thing is awesome! I've learned a lot and gotten quite a bit of useful information from it.

Thanks =)

Wiley said...

I share the whole kit & kaboodle (what's a kaboodle anyway?), but DM, not so much. I sometimes think I should shut up about what's going awry back here - especially when it's just emotional overreaction from me - but DM know when something's up anyway and homes straight in.
Similarly, I can tell when DM has had a particularly bad day, but he doesn't share much, mostly due to opsec. There's not much to do about that but be sympathetic. However, sometimes he doesn't share stuff with me because he wants to protect me. It frustrates me sometimes even though I know he has the best intentions at heart. I sometimes feel like I have to remind him that I've deployed too and have dealt with a lot of not so great stuff, so I *do* know what he's going through (to some extent).
Mostly I wish he shared more because it helps me feel connected to him, and it reminds me to pull my head out of my arse when I get a bit selfish and throw a pity party for myself...

Dawna said...

Quite often I will hear about things that occurred with Dh after the fact. Sometimes LOOOOOONG after the fact (ie years). Such as him nearly being blown overboard when he was in the Navy...

Last time he was deployed, though, he told me about having a piece of shrapnel zing by his head, and it upset me. So, I don't know how much he'll share this time...

I usually share what's going on here because doing so helps me, and he feels he can be supportive by listening. It's usually after the fact and after I've had a chance to calm down and look at it objectively, though. Spur of the moment venting is what my journal's for. :-)

Christy said...

My husband and I and a another couple recently talked about this, I tell my husband pretty well everything, vent, yell, cry, nag, and even have him talk to the kids about this misbehavior, etc and he tells me what he can, knowing that I don't freak out easily at all, and he said he wants me to tell him the little and big stuff. There's always things I don't think to tell him about and then later it comes out when he's home and he's wanting to know why I didn't tell him! He of course gets I don't remember everything (he's never upset). Our friends the wife didn't tell her hubby anything and he said that it added to his stress, because he KNEW there was a lot going on with her and their children, but he felt completely out of the loop, didn't feel like she wanted him to be an active part of their family just because he was deployed and it was a big wake up call for her and she never realized it was a way for him to feel "normal" during the deployment. Personally I think wives who don't tell their husband's things during deployments do them a huge disservice and ultimately add stress to them, since they are worried by not knowing and let their imagination flow.